Introduction:
Few of us are ever faced with making the sort of life or death decisions we routinely hear about in the news. And yet there are decisions we face everyday that–whether we realize it or not–have very real moral implications.
Part trivia game and part reality show, BustedHalo’s Moral Dilemmas feature is intended to not only raise some moral issues for our readers but also to ask you to participate in resolving them. After reading the story below about Beth, Michelle and Thomas please tell us what the “right thing to do” is via the quiz at the bottom.
Read “The Wrinkle” to our dilemma.
Read our moral theologian’s analysis of the dilemma and our readers’ responses.
THE DILEMMA
Michelle and Beth have been friends since they met in middle school. For Beth, who has two younger brothers, Michelle was like the sister she’d always wished for. They would hang out together constantly until Beth became like a member of the family.
Beth admired how Michelle blossomed while they were in high school. Michelle always seemed so confident and outgoing and received a lot of attention from boys while Beth was more introverted. Though she sometimes felt invisible compared to Michelle, they shared everything with each other and Michelle depended on Beth to be honest with her no matter what.
When Beth’s parents split up while she was in college, Michelle spent countless hours on the phone consoling her and often took the four-hour bus drive from her college in Michigan to visit Beth at her school in Chicago.
Social studies
After graduation they both took jobs in the Chicago area and lived just a few blocks from each other in the Lincoln Park section of town. They continued spending a good deal of time together socially and even attended the same church. Michelle dated a lot of different guys but, by her late 20s, was starting to become frustrated that she hadn’t yet found someone special. Beth, on the other hand, dated very little until she met Thomas through an online dating site just after her 30th birthday. Michelle heard all about Thomas when she and Beth would talk on the phone or via email and she was happy to hear Beth so excited. It was clearly a big deal for Beth when she introduced Thomas to Michelle and was thrilled that they seemed to get along so well. Beth even told Michelle that she thought they were falling in love.
Over the course of the next six months Beth and Thomas’ relationship became very serious and they began to talk about their long-term goals and plans. Michelle, however, began to be troubled by some of the things Beth would tell her. In the course of their conversations Beth mentioned that Thomas thought she could “stand to lose a few pounds” and would make comments about what she was eating and criticize her in front of others (Beth was 5′5″ and weighed 138 lbs). During an argument late one night at her apartment he opened the refrigerator and began throwing out some of the food he considered “part of the problem.” During another argument at a movie theater Thomas pushed Beth so hard against a wall that she hurt her shoulder.
Isolated incidents
Michelle grew very concerned and told Beth that Thomas’ behavior was abusive and completely unacceptable and that she deserved better. Beth understood Michelle’s feelings but she couldn’t help herself, she really loved Thomas and thought of these as isolated incidents that they could work through.
What’s The Right Thing To Do
-Keep your opinion of the marriage to yourself and agree to be Beth’s Maid of Honor?
-Risk losing your friendship by telling her that you can’t in good conscience stand up in front of an entire church and support a friend who is marrying an abusive man?
-Agree to attend the wedding but tell her you can’t be in the wedding party.
-Try to talk her out of it?
-Tell her you will not attend?
None of these sound right to you? Want to qualify one of the above answers? What do you think Michelle should do?
Gradually, Beth began contacting Michelle less and less frequently and when they did talk the conversation was usually about superficial work issues. A few months later Beth called one morning bursting with excitement to tell Michelle that Thomas had proposed to her the night before and that they were now engaged. Michelle didn’t quite know how to react to the news but tried to respond positively.
“Wow, that’s amazing. Congratulations” Michelle said with as much sincerity as she could summon.
Without missing a beat, Beth continued to tell her that they were planning a big wedding at the nearby Cathedral with approximately 250 guests. She then paused awkwardly and, adopting a serious tone, said “Listen Michelle, I realize you’ve got some issues with Thomas but it would mean a lot to me if you’d be my maid of honor.”
On the other end of the phone Michelle sat in stunned silence.
Time for you to decide. What’s the right thing for Michelle to do?
Read Part 2 for the “wrinkle” to our dilemma.
Read our moral theologian’s analysis of the dilemma as well as our readers’ responses.
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