Comments on: Sex, Dating and Catholicism

By: Mary

Mary — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 23:03:19 +0000

@ pat: you can only have sex within a marriage, not before. I think you should watch this short video for more, and also google the “Pure Love Club” website: http://www.xt3.com/library/view.php?id=182

By: Sabrina

Sabrina — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 22:37:06 +0000

@Tina: there is a big difference between “needs” and “desires.” You should consider going into counseling to determine the difference. Also, having sex outside of marriage is considered a sin by the Church whether or not one uses NFP or artificial birth control.

By: Sabrina

Sabrina — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 22:33:50 +0000

@ Barbara: Even if you get the annulment, having sex would still be a sin…until you marry the fellow. Once you two are married post-annulment, you’re ok.

By: pat

pat — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 02:58:52 +0000

is it true I can have sex before marriage but I just cant have a baby????……confusing

By: Barbara

Barbara — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 07:42:00 +0000

I am a divorced Catholic. I never received an annulment because I was concerned that my children would be called “bastards”. After further inquiries, I realize that this is not the case. I have not remarried or been in a relationship for 19 years. Now I am seeing a devout Catholic. He believes that by having sex we are committing adultery. I do not. I love him and want to be intimate with him. We are. He feels guilty, I don’t. I am going to have my first and only marriage annulled just to satisfy him. We will not be married,but maybe he will not feel so guilty about our relationship. I love him. And I may want to marry him sometime. If I receive the annulment and we are not married and still having sex, is that still considered sinning to him? Will confession free him from the guilt? I am a confident, moral person. It is not an issue with me, but he is completely immersed in canon law.
With respect,
Barbara

By: Tina

Tina — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:17:53 +0000

Chastity and dating. Marriage and adultry….Why should we substitute one adult for another when a mom is available for her own child? I can’t even get past the fact that chastity means not masturbating either…I wish they would prosecute women who have sex with married men when the man decides he doesn’t pay alimony or anything. Particularly when the woman tries desperately to get a job. Is the law of cannon coming back in style? Since when is pleasure and lust a strategy that society rewards with job placement and other womens children. I nursed my own sons. My breast milk isn’t jerseymaid. I don’t sell it for rahab purposes.

By: Tina Sasuga-Paludi

Tina Sasuga-Paludi — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 06:45:18 +0000

I have been dating very little. I am recently divorced and have physical needs. Any woman my age has needs. My ex-husband was a passionate lover with a satisfying frequency of intimacy and I was pretty driven sexually myself.
My ex-husband had a vasectomy that he discussed with a woman from the office. He and this woman at the office made all the arrangements to deny me of additional children in our marriage and it was shocking. Now he has divorced me and I am having difficulties dating.
What do I do about my physical needs and desires? I can’t keep a husband, don’t have a boyfriend and think dating should absolutely never be built around sex!
This man I really like is always busy and whenever we see one another we are satisfied and have fun. We never date. This has been consistent.
I have dated another man recently who is freakish about my kids and sexuality. I am natural family planning as the church directs. Trying not to get pregnant. Yet, I would like children and a relationship someday.
With concern,
Tina

By: Vaughan

Vaughan — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 02:07:58 +0000

Could you help me. We owe something to extravagance, for thrift and adventure seldom go hand in hand.
I am from Chile and now study English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: “How to become a professional photographer july how to choose and buy your st mm camera april.”

With love 8-), Vaughan.

By: Rick Malloy, S.J.

Rick Malloy, S.J. — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 00:21:59 +0000

Excellent article, excellent discussion. One clarification about the meaning of Chastity in the Catholic tradition may be helpful. We are all called to practice the virtue of chastity. Chastity is not just for priests and religious.

In another article for Busted Halo, I wrote, “As a Jesuit, along with vows of poverty and obedience, I took a vow of celibate chastity. ‘Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person’ which leads to ‘inner unity’ in both our body and spirit (Catechism of the Catholic Church #2337). We all are called to be chaste, integrated and loving, whether we are having sex or not.”

Married people are called to marital chastity, single people to single persons’ chastity, religious and priests to chastity in their freely chosen ways of life. The virtue of chastity helps us find that inner unity and peace we arrive at by resisting urges that, if acted upon, will make us less authentic and loving persons. – Peace, Rick Malloy, S.J.

By: ronald panlilio

ronald panlilio — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 17:32:25 +0000

I agree with this article. Chastity and Purity should be the goal for all young people before they get married. Unfortunately there is so much media pressure and peer pressure to have sex, and use birth control, and to have abortions. Catholics are different in their teachings than the teachings of the secular world. We want to save sex until after marriage, commitment, and have it be a way to show love and create life. And if your using birth control, or condoms then you are not becoming one flesh with your spouse. In fact you are witholding part of yourself from your spouse. Natural Family Planning is great for being disciplined about sex, and if god still brings you a child then that child must really be a blessing to your family. The books by christopher west and the pope are a great way to learn about the sanctity of the body and life. For the body reveals god, and each of us is a special child of god. Sex is a gender, before it was ever an action. Men and Women are responsible for their actions, and should pray and commit to each other before entering into sexual activity.

By: Mary

Mary — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:25:00 +0000

Marc, I respect your opinion but I think you’re comparing apples and oranges when you compare an abstinent teenager to a married couple using contraceptives. God wanted two to become one flesh and THEN be fruitful and multiply – not the other way around. The abstinent teenager understands that. When a man and a woman are joined in marriage, they are given the gift to be able to bring children into the world out of love and openness to life. You have to have both of those. We are not supposed to be open to life before marriage because the two have not joined in the holy sacrament of matrimony. A married couple using NFP for legitimate reasons would still be open to life, because they’re leaving it up to God, as well as exercising some discipline, which can’t hurt.

By: Marc Adams

Marc Adams — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:02:15 +0000

As a catholic, I say we are making a little much of Ms. Whelan’s Chastity statement. The American Heritage Dictionary defines Chastity as the condition or quality of being pure. Sure it would be preferable to maintain a sense of chastity through marriage. Who doesn’t like purity? What I don’t like are the narrow definitions of what purity is. Contraceptives no more go against the idea of chastity in marriage than vitamins go against the idea of health. I am an avid church going Catholic who believes contraceptives are just fine in the context of marriage as long as life is not destroyed. If life is prevented, well, I guess it doesn’t much differ from the teen who chooses abstinence for fear of causing an unwanted pregnancy. We aren’t telling them to get married and have babies. It is true, contraceptives are “unnatural” but so is the advil you take for your headache and the life-saving transfusion the car accident victim receives in the hospital. I believe the purity or chastity that we seek is maintained through marriage as long as mutual respect is there irregardless of contraceptives. If

By: Nfpworks

Nfpworks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:22:38 +0000

I agree with all commenters. It’s easy to make this gaff on chastity because so much of our chastity teaching is done to youth, but the huge problem of a largely contracepting Catholic culture is that the parents aren’t living out a chaste marriage. Chastity is, indeed, for all!

By: Mary K

Mary K — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:12:34 +0000

Anyone who doesn’t understand why the Church tells us not to have sex before marriage DEFINITELY needs to check out Christopher West’s work on JPII’s Theology of the Body.

By: Jaime

Jaime — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:56:25 +0000

I agree with Lisa. I was a little startled when I read that you said chastity was for BEFORE marriage. Even married couples must be chaste. The obvious would be to remain faithful to your spouse, but chastity in a marriage would also include not using condoms or birth control. It’s interesting because every church preaches no sex before marriage, but only the Catholic Church (that I know of) says that even during marriage condoms and birth control are not permitted since they do not sanctify life. I have lots of protestant friends who are planning on remaining virgins before marriage, but also plan on using contraceptives once married.

By: Marie

Marie — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:48:43 +0000

The late Pope John Paul II gave a series of talks from 1979 to 1984 (or so) on what he calls “Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body.” Christopher West has started a lecture series that breaks down JPII’s book, and for anyone interested in what the gift of sexuality is really all about within a Catholic/Christian life, it’s worth checking out! JPII is helping me to understand the beauty of how and why we are created as sexual beings, man and woman, and how we are called to cherish and respect that gift of sexuality, contrary to what our culture tells us about sex. Check it out – you will be challenged, but I don’t think you will be disappointed!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:05:15 +0000

In this article you said “Chastity, however, is something that is valued by the Church as the way we guard our sexuality before marriage.”

This is exaclty the skewed vision that you were talking about. Chastity is not simply something that needs to be protected before marriage. Chastity needs to be lived out in all vocations, in every stage of life. Chastity does not mean celibacy, though that can certainly be a part of it if one is not married.