There are a number of things that make these first months away at college tricky- being in a new place away from everything and everyone familiar, no parents or friends to keep you accountable and true to the person you have always been, and learning to set your own limits to name just a few. It’s easy to get overwhelmed. Keep in mind though, others have gone before and lived to tell. Here are a few tips and tricks gathered over the years to get you through…

1. Be generous with your friendship but stingy with your trust.
Laurie was a very generous person so when her new friend Danielle wanted to borrow her sweater she was actually kind of pleased. It felt like she was back home with her old friends. It wasn’t long before half her wardrobe was missing. Not only that, Danielle always seemed to be in crisis and was pretty needy. At first it was nice to have someone who depended on her and Laurie felt like she was really helping Danielle. Soon Laurie found herself staying in to deal with whatever problem Danielle was having and missing out on opportunities to meet new people. Laurie started to feel isolated and overwhelmed.

The friends you have back home didn’t get to be your friends overnight. It took months or, more likely, years, to establish those friendships. You trust your friends because they’ve proven themselves trustworthy. At college it can feel like these new people are your old friends. You’re eating together, studying together, sometimes spending more time with these people than you ever could with your friends from back home. These new friends need to earn your trust though, don’t just give it to them. The people you meet in your first few weeks of school may be great, some of them may turn out to be the best friends of your life, they may also be axe murderers. Every freshman class has its gems and its criminals (I’m not kidding, some of them are actually criminals). Which ones are which will come clear over the next few months. Wait until you get to know them a little before you say…loan them your car, give them all your passwords or your ATM card, or share all your deepest secrets with them.

2. Go to class!
Seems obvious, it IS why you’re at college but you wouldn’t believe how many freshmen skip their way out of school. Do a little math and figure how much it costs for you to have your butt in that chair per hour. You’ll be less willing to blow one off. Most professors will allow one or two absences but save ‘em for the end of the semester when you’ve got mono and three papers due in the same week.

3. For the first few weeks live like a monk
Monks take vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience. There’s plenty of fun to be had at college and lots of time to have it. The first few weekends, especially among freshman, can be a bit of a free-for-all and are often when you are at your most vulnerable. Give yourself a chance to get acclimated to your new surroundings before you start taking chances. Those chances will most likely look a lot less attractive once you’re feeling more comfortable.

Chastity
Lisa met a guy on her hall in her first week on campus. She was pretty lonely and being with him made her feel a little less homesick. Things moved along pretty quickly – after one or two dates they became a couple and things got pretty physical. Lisa was really falling for him when all of sudden he lost interest and moved on. Lisa ended up having to deal with a break up (and bumping into this guy all the time because he still lived in her dorm!) along with everything else. Besides a broken heart and bruised ego there are lots of other reasons to avoid hooking up! College is a great place to get an STD. According to Go Ask Alice! somewhere between 20 and 25 percent of college students are or have been infected with an STD . College may also be the place where you meet the love of your life but you probably won’t know that in the first week of school, especially on Friday night after a couple of drinks. It’s too soon to tell who’s who, give yourself some time to get used to your new surroundings before adding a boyfriend or girlfriend to the mix.

Poverty
Don’t blow all your money your first weekend there. If you have the luxury of calling home for cash, the parents will be a lot happier if you don’t do it the second week of school. If you worked all summer for your spending money and it has to last the semester all the more so. People will want to give you credit cards JUST SAY NO! Credit is bad. (that’s a different article though.)

Obedience
Go to class!

4. Helpful people
There are lots of people on campus whose job it is to help you. Depending on your question or problem there are any number of folks to help you through. Health services, counseling, your academic advisor, your RA. Colleges seem to have caught onto the idea that the transition can be a rocky one don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it!

5. Find out about

campus ministry
Speaking of helpful people…in addition to the folks mentioned above, many campuses have great Catholic parishes, with decent preaching and music. It’ll be different than home but should be familiar enough to keep you grounded. Campus Ministry can be a great place to meet people with similar values, get connected with service and retreat opportunities and can be a real life line if you find yourself struggling later in the semester. Many run prayer groups, social events, interfaith opportunities and even spiritual direction.

6. Be yourself
College is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself but don’t go too far. Remember that whoever you decide to become is the character you’ll have to play for the rest of this drama. Don’t forget who you are just because you‘re in a new place. You’re still you and it’s gotten you this far! Your values, your likes and dislikes, the things you’re good at haven’t changed, hang onto those things, especially while you’re getting used to this new environment.

7. Too much of a dangerous thing
A lot of you might be tempted to tune this advice out because you've heard it so many times before...DON'T!
I can’t tell you how many kids I’ve known who've bombed out because they drank too much. Underage drinking is a bad idea. Don’t do it. If you’re getting wasted every Friday and Saturday you’re headed for trouble. If you won't take my word for it, the statistics on the effects of college drinking are astounding, see for yourself . If you find you’re missing your Wednesday 8:30 class because you’re too hung over from Tuesday night’s party you’re IN trouble. If you’re going to be an alcoholic, this will be the year you’re really going to see the signs.

8. Psych 101
Later adolescence and early young adulthood are the blooming seasons for many mental illnesses. The college environment, little sleep, no supervision, a lack of people who know what “normal” is for you can all add up to danger when it comes to addiction and mental illness. If you find yourself behaving in ways that are contrary to your values or like you’re in the bottom of an emotional pit and can’t get out-get to the counseling center! These two are some of the deadliest issues for college freshman.

9. Sleep is good
Do it at night as often as possible. Daytime sleep screws up your body clock and your ability to attend your very expensive classes. Lack of sleep also impairs judgment.

10. Go to class!

11. Remember the HALT method of keeping your act together.
Don’t let yourself get too...

Hungry
Your mom’s not here to remind you to eat, get to the dining hall and take care of yourself

Angry
Manage your emotions, take a walk, talk to a friend, especially don’t drink when you’re angry! Angry + drunk =stupid behavior, sometimes involving campus security or law enforcement officials.

Lonely
Stay connected to your support network. Call your mother! IM your old friends, e-mail your youth minister/pastor/mentor.

Tired
If you find yourself weepy all the time, impose a strict bedtime on yourself and see if that doesn’t improve your mood. All nighters are a bad idea. NOBODY does their best work under pressure that’s just something we procrastinators tell ourselves to rationalize our bad behavior.

12. A word about religion
There will be lots of different ideas floating around campus. It's one of the great things about the college atmosphere and an open mind is a great thing to bring with you. Hopefully some of your ideas will be challenged and you’ll explore your faith more deeply because of it.

Religion on campus can sometimes be a little unsettling. One night Matt met Joe, another student who seemed like a great guy. Matt liked him immediately. Joe began to question Matt pretty aggressively about his beliefs. Matt found he had a hard time explaining what he believed and Joe seemed to have a perfect answer or argument for each point that Matt brought up. Matt felt embarrassed that he didn’t know enough about the religion he’d grown up with to answer Joe’s points and when Joe invited him to go to Bible study and find out more. Matt agreed to go. At the Bible study Matt heard a lot of criticisms about his own religion that seemed to make sense. Unfortunately he ended up feeling badly enough about his own faith that he stopped even trying to pray for a while. Eventually he emailed his pastor back home and ended up learning more about his own faith.

Just because you’re not a good arguer that doesn’t make you a bad Christian (or Jew or Muslim or Buddhist). If you find yourself in a conversation about God that leaves you feeling defensive don’t feel like you have to continue the conversation. Oftentimes that person is not interested in your ideas or theology, they only want you to leave your church and join theirs. Bible study is great but what you’ll learn at one can be vastly different from another. Bring your questions back to someone you trust.

13. Get involved...
...but not too involved. Every club, activity, and association will be vying for your time. Be choosey and if you’re a “joiner” be careful not to over commit yourself. College is about so much more than classes. Campus activities and organizations are a great way to expand your horizons and connect with other students who share your interests.

14. Wash your hands!
Your mother was right. It's one of the best ways to avoid getting whatever bug is going around on campus.

15. Pray
Whether you’re an experienced or novice pray-er, now’s a great time to do it. Your understanding of who God is and how God works will most likely change a lot over the next few years. Prayer can keep you open to new directions and insights. It can also simply be a reminder of God’s love and care for you. Don’t know how? Check out some of the resources here on BustedHalo.com to get you started or take a look at this site run by the Irish Jesuits .

16. Don’t be afraid, just be smart!
There’s a lot to think about its true, and a lot to be cautious about, but this is also the opportunity of a lifetime. You will probably make some of the best friends of your life, you will probably fall in love, you will probably grow more and learn more and discover more about yourself than you ever thought possible. You don’t have to be afraid, just be aware! Like a mountain climber-you’ve got all your safety equipment. You know the safety rules. You’ve been preparing for this climb for a long time. Everyone who knows you is hoping for your success. Keep your eye on the summit and don’t be afraid!

17. And did I mention…go to class!

Nora Bradbury-Haehl writes from Rochester, NY.

Other articles by Nora Bradbury-Haehl.

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