Busted Halo » Pure Sex, Pure Love

Defining the Hook-Up Culture

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:00:55 +0000

As a young professor at a big university, I’m able to talk to my students about rather personal issues like hooking up, relationships and sex. In one class, I asked students to diagram, on a large whiteboard, the evolution of a relationship — from first meeting to marriage. This was a fascinating exercise, and highlighted [...]

Dying for Spiritual Enlightenment

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 04:00:49 +0000

What would you do for spiritual enlightenment and personal success? Would you agree to spend 36 hours alone in the desert without food or water to help clear your mind and find your true potential? Would you follow a trusted leader into a dark, hot tent to experience a version of a centuries-old Native American [...]

Conquering the Daisy Complex

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 04:00:08 +0000

Call it the Daisy Complex: So many of us worry ourselves sick — think of that silly game where you pluck the petals off a daisy: "She loves me... she loves me not..." seeking an arbitrary answer — and our fear of rejection keeps us from taking the first steps to happiness.

In his head, Thomas plays out the negative scenarios: He asks her out, she says no, and the friendship is ruined — he's lost her entirely.

Or, he asks her out, she says yes, but then things don't work out, and everything is weird after that.

Or...

The scenarios of doom are endless. But one scenario is nearly guaranteed: If Thomas doesn't ask her out or show his interest, she'll never know he cares about her that way. And that, to me, is the saddest of all possibilities.

"I know it's a problem," Thomas told me. "I just don't know how to fix it."

Conquering the Daisy Complex

I gave Thomas two bits of advice... and told him I'd share his story with other young adult readers who might be struggling with similar fears. Here's my advice. What's yours?

Faced with Bereavement

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:54:10 +0000

On a recent Friday night a friend of mine called to tell me her husband had died suddenly. He didn’t suffer and she was with him, but he was young and they’d only been married for a little over a year. At first I thought I hadn’t heard correctly. I was expecting the news that [...]

Responding to Recession Romance

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 04:19:27 +0000

Katie, 27, and her fiancé, Ryan, got engaged in October, 2008, just as the economy was beginning its free-fall. Ryan was graduating from law school and, with a job lined up at a good firm, he planned to start paying off more than $150,000 in student loans. But in February, Ryan’s law firm withdrew their [...]

Romance in a Recession

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:16:31 +0000

Tim is an unmarried 29-year-old with a master’s in statistics. He’d like to meet a great woman, get married and start a family, but he says the recession has stalled his progress. “I don’t have the disposable income to go out on a date,” Tim told me recently. Plus, he said, his self-worth is tied to [...]

Jon and Kate + Commiserate

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 17:31:15 +0000

Recently, I’ve been tuning in to Jon & Kate Plus Eight at the gym. I watch on the sly like I’d rubberneck on the highway: The crash is too gory to view directly, but I can’t take my eyes off the drama. Some research suggests viewers watch reality TV because deep down they believe, someday, [...]

Balancing Act

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 02:55:39 +0000

For the last six months, I’ve been busier than usual with work. In January and February, I was promoting my new book Marry Smart and some new findings in mate-preferences research just in time for Valentine’s Day. All the while, I was teaching more than 200 students in two classes at the University of Iowa, [...]

Saying Yes to Sex

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 04 May 2009 01:33:13 +0000

A few weeks ago, a friend sent me a column titled “Women need to say yes to sex.” I had my back up immediately — but kept reading. Bettina Arndt, author of The Sex Diaries, begins the piece with this opening salvo: “What ever happened to wifely duty?” Got your attention now? Yep, in any marriage, [...]

The Princess Speaks…

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 05:11:23 +0000

Thinking about getting married? Engaged? Welcome aboard the emotional rollercoaster: Planning a wedding and anticipating a marriage is a joyful time of preparations — but also a highly charged period of decisions, debates and family pressures. And, as usual, BustedHalo® is here to help. Recently, I joined forces via the wonders of iChat technology with Father [...]

Relationship Strategies in an Economic Downturn

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 12:00:31 +0000

This morning, I appeared live on “The Early Show” on CBS to discuss dating and relationship strategies during an economic downturn. Watch the show here and read below for more advice. When is the appropriate time to bring up finances in a relationship — and is it something you should really be asking about early [...]

The Ambitious Christian…

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 02:54:26 +0000

Margot, 31, wants to be the first female partner at the boutique law firm where she’s worked for four years. She’s getting great reviews from her bosses because she works long hours, always delivers for clients and, “when a partner tells me to jump, I ask how high on the way up,” she says. “It’s [...]

Do Women Sin Differently Than Men?

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 04:34:49 +0000

There’s a new study out from the Vatican: Seems men and women confess to different sins. The most commonly confessed sin for women is pride, while for men, lust and gluttony rule the confessional. Men’s desire for food is surpassed only by the urge for sex. This analysis is based on a study of confessions carried [...]

Mating by Numbers

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 04:04:35 +0000

It’s the perennial question: What do men and women want in a spouse? Men are increasingly interested in an educated woman who is a good financial prospect, and less interested in chastity. Women are increasingly interested in a man who wants a family, and less picky about whether he’s always Mr. Nice Guy. That’s according to a [...]

Whom Not to Marry

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 05:11:50 +0000

Calling all Pure Sex, Pure Love readers: I’m teaming up with one of the most famous priests in America to bring you the best dating and relationship advice. Want a piece of the action? Here’s the story: Last summer Maureen Dowd wrote a column titled “An Ideal Husband,” featuring love advice from Fr. Pat Connor, a [...]

Am I Incomplete?

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 04:39:15 +0000

Erin recently broke up with her boyfriend of two years. They were serious and considering marriage, but he didn’t want children and Erin, 27, very much wants a family. She knows she made the right choice but she’s still heartbroken, she told me recently in an email. Erin, a longtime reader of this column, feels called [...]

SWANS Guide

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 04:35:38 +0000

Millions of singles made a New Year’s resolution to be more proactive about their love lives. Sound like you? If you want to find that special someone in 2009, it’s going to take some effort. (Amazingly enough, Mr. or Ms. Right will probably not intercept you between your car and your office, or jump into [...]

‘Tis the season for family, faith, fellowship—and fat

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 03:33:55 +0000

As you gather round the family table to give thanks, you’ll consume anywhere from 2000 to 7000 calories as you graze on turkey, stuffing and candied veggies galore. Certainly not everyone is so fortunate to have a horn of plenty this time of year, but the majority of Americans will eat their fill… and then [...]

Single for the Holidays

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 02:29:23 +0000

‘Tis the season for Christmas parties, family gatherings … and pesky (but well-meaning) friends and relatives asking you when you’re going to get married. Yep. While we enjoy the anticipation of Advent and look forward to celebrating the birth of Christ, for many young adults this is also a season of waiting — with more [...]

Opening the Floodgates

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:43:08 +0000

So a few weeks ago I began a series on Natural Family Planning (NFP) to start an open and honest discussion about the what, why and how of NFP. The response has been tremendous: Nearly 150 of you replied to the online survey and many submitted in-depth, heartfelt comments about your personal experiences. According to [...]

Sex, Dating and Catholicism

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 13:57:01 +0000

This past Sunday I gave a lecture on sex, dating and relationships at the Newman Center at the University of Iowa. As a professor here, I teach classes on the American family and introductory sociology courses, so I’ve heard a lot about the undergraduate hook-up culture. My students aren’t sure what a hook-up really means, [...]

Understanding Natural Family Planning

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 14:47:12 +0000

Let’s talk about Natural Family Planning. Wait… wait… did you just grab the mouse to click away to another screen? Give me a chance. When you think of Natural Family Planning (NFP) you might think of barefoot-and-pregnant super-religious types who are out of touch with modern science. The words “conservative” or “creepy” or “weird” might pop [...]

Pure Sex, Pure Love

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 02:10:46 +0000

The Ramona Quimby Diary was my first journal. I was seven, and helpfully it was fill-in-the-blanks. For most of 1985, I recorded my deepest thoughts and darkest secrets in that red, spiral-bound book: I never practiced piano like I was supposed to. I had a crush on a boy named David.

Pure Sex, Pure Love

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 16:42:15 +0000

I remember receiving that first oversized calligraphied envelope. I was 22 and giddy with excitement as I opened the multiple envelopes, sifted through the tissue paper and found an impressively engraved invitation. I felt honored to be among the chosen to receive this elaborate missive: One of my oldest friends was getting married to her [...]

Dealing With a Loved One Who’s Depressed

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 05:16:42 +0000

In my last column I shared a letter from Susan, a longtime reader of Pure Sex, Pure Love, who has been dating a man struggling with depression. “How do you deal with a partner who’s dealing with depression? Can you help—and if so, how?” I asked BustedHalo readers to weigh in on this email, and [...]

Pure Sex, Pure Love

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:04:24 +0000

“Does God really care if we gained ten pounds over the holidays? Yes!” announces The Dieter’s Prayer Book. “If you’ve struggled with obesity all of your life, you may not even be able to imagine yourself free of the bondage of unwanted fat. But God can,” promises The Bible Cure for Weight Loss and Muscle Gain. As [...]

Pure Sex, Pure Love

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:35:15 +0000

Recently I received a request from Susan, a longtime reader of my Pure Sex, Pure Love column: How do you deal with a partner whose dealing with depression? Can you help—and if so, how? And where the lines are drawn between being supportive and looking after your own emotional needs, since depression doesn’t just affect the person [...]

Pure Sex, Pure Love

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:43:47 +0000

My husband, Peter, is a lawyer, and recently accepted a job with Legal Aid, a non-profit organization that provides legal services for the working poor. In states nationwide, community legal services groups are expanding their personal bankruptcy practices as this economy continues to soften, and he’ll be working with many families in financial crisis. As we [...]

Pure Sex, Pure Love

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:43:27 +0000

This weekend, we celebrated our nation’s independence with fireworks and cook-outs. But according to a recent Busted Halo® survey, young adults are struggling for an even more personal kind of independence this summer—financial independence. More than 40% of respondents said they hold credit card debt, and nearly 50% are floating school loans. We’re the first [...]

Wives, Obey Your Husbands…

Dr. Christine B. Whelan — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:03:50 +0000

My last column, "Wives, obey your husbands?" was intentionally provocative… and it worked! Over the years, as I attended different parishes during college and beyond, I noticed something odd: Depending on the priest, we’d hear different versions of readings from Colossians and Ephesians about how a man and a woman should love and honor each other. The [...]