Busted Halo » What Works

What Works: The Gratitude List

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:00:57 +0000

This is the last column to run before Thanksgiving, so I want to talk to you about gratitude. I could write a dozen columns about gratitude in various forms; for this column, I'm going to focus on one simple tool: the gratitude list.

When you find yourself feeling particularly ungrateful about your life — or your spiritual director or friend points out to you that you are — you can stop and remind yourself of all the things for which you can be grateful.

There are some obvious things. You often hear people say, "at least I've got my health." That might sound trite, but if you have ever experienced a serious loss of your own good health and then gotten it back, or if you or to someone close to you is deprived permanently of good health, you will know that good health is a great blessing. Another common item is family — partners, parents, children: whoever loves you unconditionally and gives you sustenance and support.

Not half full or half empty — just half full

Gratitude list items can also be seemingly trivial things — or at least things that might seem so to someone else. And many things can be seen as blessings or negatives. For example, I do not live with anyone else. I could focus on and feed feelings of loneliness. But I can also be grateful for the control I have over my environment and how easy it is to meditate and have silence when I want it. (Ask anyone with a big family about how precious that is!)

It's important, even though this is a list, to not fall into thinking of it as a two-sided ledger. It's not "I'm alone but at least I have peace and quiet." It's, "I can have peace and quiet whenever I want in my home."

It's not about seeing our world's cup as half full rather than half empty. Because the truth is everyone, and I mean everyone, has things they can be grateful for and things they can be ungrateful for. It's about paying attention to the part that's full. Who cares about what you don't have? Seriously. Think about that for a moment.

Focusing on what we don't have, on expectations of things that have not materialized for us, only leads to anxiety and self-pity. I'm not saying there is no place for wanting to create a more abundant life, but that's not the way. Paradoxically — as are most great spiritual principles — it is by being content with what we have that we are open to seeing clearly what is around us, and seeing new opportunities.

What Works: The Welcoming Prayer

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:09:34 +0000

I want to share with you a little method with a big impact: the Welcoming Prayer. This unassuming little method has helped me many times. What’s your first impulse when you have a “bad” feeling? If you’re like me, it’s usually to suppress it. But we all know that doesn’t work. What you focus on [...]

What Works: Baggage

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:00:15 +0000

We’ve all heard the jokes. Ever since the term “baggage” entered popular use thanks to the 80s inner child movement, it’s been both a warning — “I have a lot of baggage” — and a punchline. Example: A few weeks ago on Jay Mohr’s sitcom, Gary Unmarried, before he meets his ex-wife’s new boyfriend, she says: [...]

What Works: Turn Off the News

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 03:31:05 +0000

I don't mean to put anyone out of work in this difficult economy — I even have several friends in this profession — but I implore you to turn off the news and leave it off. Mainly, I want you to turn off the local news, where "if it bleeds, it leads" and the priority, after titillating you with gore, is to scare you — because they thrive if we think we have to watch or we'll die.

There are a number of reasons I recommend turning off the news. First, life is stressful enough already. Who needs this? Second, if you are powerless over something, there's usually no benefit in worrying about it. Third, exposing yourself regularly to the ugliest aspects of society darkens and coarsens your view of other people, which takes you away from compassion and love, and thus away from God. It undermines your spiritual fitness.

Rather than helping us better to mourn — to see the suffering in the world with an open heart — watching the news regularly hardens our hearts. In order to face so much suffering with no option of relevant action, we detach from it; we tune it out, if you will.

What Works: Freedom From Choice

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 03:20:43 +0000

I was on a retreat this weekend, and do you know what one of the little pleasures was for me? Coming to the dining room at mealtimes and being presented with a single option — simply accepting what is offered. Why is this lack of choice a comforting treat rather than an annoying limitation? Because [...]

What Works: Your Internal Compass

Phil Fox Rose — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 01:48:30 +0000

I’ve written several columns here with suggestions that are rather directive — get enough sleep, use the downturn to find your calling, meditate regularly… and then there was my column about not saying ’should’ and ‘have to’. “Um,” said a reader after the ‘don’t should’ column, “How do I know when to make a change and [...]

What Works: HALT — Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

Phil Fox Rose — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 00:57:28 +0000

Ever want to bite someone’s head off just because they had the misfortune to cross your path when you hadn’t eaten lunch? Or hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before? Or when you were already angry about something else? Ever sit alone — or worse, in a crowd — and feel lonely and irritated at [...]

What Works: How Sweet to Do Nothing

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 06:22:17 +0000

Our new level of connectedness is a wonderful thing — perhaps the greatest blessing technology has brought us. But it has created a new problem. In this hyper-connected world, time in which you can do nothing is rare.

Despite how highly I value and seek out serenity, I am linked continuously to my workplace and other obligations. It's all too easy to feel pressured by the things I could be doing — like Fran in Black Books, cursing under her breath while answering her cell phone as she's running late for yoga...

What Works: Never Should

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 02:45:14 +0000

I drink my morning coffee with milk. For some reason, I can barely stand drinking it without. One rainy evening I’m at home on the couch and realize I forgot to buy milk, and I groan to myself, “I should go to the store to get some milk.” I feel nothing but annoyance, at myself for [...]

Interview: Phil Fox Rose

Brett Siddell — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:37:34 +0000

Father Dave talks with Phil Fox Rose, the author of the “What Works” column here at Busted Halo about finding guidance on your spiritual journey, how to incorporate God into recovery programs, and even what it’s like to be a punk roadie and a sheepherder! (Originally aired: 6/11/09)

What Works: Sun Worship

Phil Fox Rose — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 22:38:13 +0000

Summer is upon us, and the other day when I read Therese Borchard's post on Beliefnet about how lack of sun exposure has led to a Vitamin D deficiency crisis across this country, it struck me: Our bodies are designed to need sun. Is that a hint or what? We are built to be outside.

As I write this just before Father's Day, I am reminded that my atheist dad gave me my first spiritual experiences by sharing his love of natural wonders. Despite growing up in New York City, I saw Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon, Banff and the Redwoods, the Smoky Mountains and the Rockies; flash floods in the Western deserts, a hurricane on Cape Hatteras.

I didn't know it at the time, and my father wouldn't have thought about it in these terms, but I was being introduced to the wonder of God. While it's more important to see that of God in the everyday, it helps to be hit over the head every once in a while with the awesomeness of Creation. [...]

What Works: Spiritual Recovery

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:30:06 +0000

If you are an alcoholic or addict, being spiritually unfit can be fatal. If not literally fatal then, as in my case, a living death — one definition of Hell is being alive and active in this world, feeling separated from God. And I spent years there. But today I live — and have for [...]

What Works: Radical Honesty

Phil Fox Rose — Wed, 27 May 2009 05:42:51 +0000

I always considered myself honest, and I had a lot of pride attached to that. I had a boss once who would stare you in the eye and just flat-out lie — I mean on the level of “The sky is green.” — daring you to challenge him. No one would, and we’d move forward [...]

What Works: Get some sleep!

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 11 May 2009 06:31:03 +0000

I was up late but had agreed to an early brunch with friends, so after about five hours of sleep I’m on my way to meet people I love and I am feeling decidedly unloving. In the bustle of the train, I can feel myself getting irritated by every little thing. I don’t love the [...]

What Works: Losing your footing and finding the ground

Phil Fox Rose — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 10:00:05 +0000

Nancy’s whole career has been in pharmaceutical communications. After watching round after round of layoffs at her firm over the past two years, her ticket finally came up in February. She went from a high level, lucrative management position to unemployment overnight. Stories like this are playing out across the country by the thousands. Good [...]

What Works: Meditation

Phil Fox Rose — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:05:32 +0000

The promise of meditation is not the 20 minutes of refuge from an otherwise insane day, wonderful as that may be. The promise is to gradually cultivate a way of living that is less insane. I’ve noticed over and over: People struggling with anxiety over things they’re powerless to affect rarely have a daily prayer and meditation practice.

What Works: Am I An Alcoholic?

Phil Fox Rose — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 05:36:12 +0000

“Am I an alcoholic?” “Am I an addict?” At some point, many of us look back on our drinking or using and question it: question whether it’s sustainable; question whether it’s getting in the way of our life; question whether we’re becoming who we want to be. This happened for me at 23. I’d made [...]